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By: Nadya Orozco

  

What the hell is wrong with me? My brother’s getting married for the second time at 25 and while I should be happy for him, all I can think about is how I am 23 and I’ve never even had a boyfriend before. And to top it off, I’ll be walking my nephew, the ring bearer, down the aisle.

 

It got me thinking. Is this my only chance to walk down the aisle? 

 

Everyone around me seems to be moving forward with their lives, finding love and tying the knot. Meanwhile, I feel left behind watching everyone grow. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for them, but it gets emotionally draining being the constant cheerleader for everyone  while you feel like your love life isn’t going anywhere. 

 

On top of this, when I talk to my parents about this, it only leads to them saying I haven’t given anyone a chance. 

 

But let’s be serious, where are all these supposed guys waiting in line for me? Because I don’t see them anywhere. 

 

Okay, maybe there were a couple I wasn’t interested in, but is it so wrong to want something real instead of settling for loneliness? 

 

I have had my fair share of disappointments, like when guys I liked pursued my best friends or just saw me as a friend. It’s frustrating because I know I have a lot to offer. I’m funny, outgoing and caring. I’m even the go-to person for relationship advice among my friends, so obviously I know what I’m doing. Yet finding someone who sees all that and wants to stick around seems impossible. 

 

Maybe I struggle with vulnerability and wait too long to express my feelings, but damn it, I’m tired of being the one who always has to chase. I want to feel pursued for once by someone I truly care about. 

 

I don’t know, my love life feels like it’s a comedy show that people watch to make themselves feel better about their love lives like, “at least I don’t have it as bad as her.”

 

I know other people are going through the same feelings, but isn’t it sucky that we even have to feel this way? When we are the group of people who deserve their fairy tale ending but yet we are the ones who are getting our hearts constantly broken. The suckiest part is that we are still willing to love someone even after getting our hearts stomped on.  

 

Who knows, maybe one day I’ll get to live out my fairy tale ending. But for now, I’ll keep cheering on those around me and spreading love, hoping it’ll find its way back to me. And even though there isn’t a man waiting for me down this aisle, at least I get to walk down it with my nephew, whom I love with my entire heart. 

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